It is difficult to get into the details of what has happened to me over the past 3 months, but I feel it is important to share this with you. Mid-April was a huge turning point in my life. I had just left my job at AT&T to become a consultant with a much smaller company, the Soundwave tour was in full swing with weekly practices and concerts, there was my commitment to The Connection Church ministry leadership and worship teams, and Yoko and the kids were getting ready to leave for Okinawa without me for 3 weeks. On top of all of this, the enemy took huge advantage of a very weak point when I was under for a dental surgery. I literally thought I was dying and it was as though every Truth about our existence in God’s Word ceased to exist and my entire foundation was shaken to the core. I was flooded with more doubt and depression than I’ve ever experienced in my entire life. I began to spend every spare moment I could find listening to God’s Word in the car, praying, reading the Bible, but the “near-death experience” had me convinced EVERYTHING was meaningless. It was so crushing that it took me 3 days just to recognize it as a spiritual attack. When I did, the enemy no longer tried to hide the evidence of the attack, which increased exponentially with fear added to the mix – unexplainable fear. I immediately began to call and text family and friends to pray. That night, I sought after God and relied on The Holy Spirit more than ever.
Over the past few months, there have been victories, but there have also been struggles with depression, doubt, and fear like never before. A split-second thought followed by wave after wave of spine-chilling goosebumps, sometimes occurring over and over for hours! Throughout most of my life, the enemy has used my flesh with sinful desires and bad habits, occasional doubt, etc., but this was different. It was truly a non-stop war on my mind. I have never had thoughts enter my mind that made my soul cringe like this – thoughts I don’t have the words to describe, and the enemy would trick me into pondering these thoughts to the point of spiraling into deep, dark depression that would last for days. Over time, God began to bring into greater light the spiritual war that was going on. Truth in the scriptures like 2 Corinthians 10:5, prayer, family (especially my bro David), and the same Power that raised Christ from the dead gave me renewed hope and peace. Our God is so faithful!
I truly believe that God is doing some GREAT things through this ministry and the enemy is not happy about it. Prayer IS the way we wage this invisible war by the Power of the Holy Spirit, and this fact has never been more real to me. A few days ago when I posted on Facebook asking for prayer, it had been another very rough few days dealing with a weight of depression that had no explanation whatsoever. I could literally feel the depression lift as you guys prayed for me.
I hope this encourages you to pray continually. Pray for the state of our nation. Pray for those affected by the Colorado shooting. Pray for the unsaved in your churches. Pray for your pastors, your family! …and if you have time, I am eternally grateful for any prayers lifted up on my behalf. Satan is a formidable enemy, but GREATER is He that is in me than he that is in the world!!! – 1 John 4:4
I relate to your struggle. It is no small thing for you to reach out to others for help. Satan would rather have us scared and alone. I will be praying for you.
Thanks! Our e-mail exchange the other evening is a perfect example of how God brings His comfort and peace through others. That happened to be an evening when I really needed it. Listening to your latest sermons helped a great deal as well. God bless you my friend.
I had a very similar experience when they ended up having to put me all the way under during a c-section in 2009. It felt like the longest and strangest time of my life, thought I literally might be dead, and in reality it was less than half an hour. From what I understand, it can happen with this type of sedation, but the enemy will grab at anything he can. Keep fighting! And ministering for that matter :).
Thanks for sharing this and for the encouragement.
I am not one to do twitter facebook skype usually and barely do email replys, but since sensed something wrong some months ago. I try to daily pray for you, your family and your ministry since i received your podcasts music to pray with two years ago. I am a Traumatic Brain Injury survivior living with Mold environment condo under restrictions and little pratctical reliable trustworthy help, but to RESORT To Daily Constantly Intercede for Others! For my distant remaining family, friends, professional contacts, and Christian Ministries. Your Music helps a few of my Jewish Assciates/Drs. Amen!
Your comment means more than words can express. I know your prayers have continually strengthened me and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. God bless you friend.
I hope over these last few months you have become stronger. I am still praying for you.
Only by the Mercy and Grace of our LORD and Savior Jesus! Your prayers are felt and appreciated – thanks! God is Good!